I Want to be a Barbarian!

In a f?w d???, I w?ll burn ?ll ?f my clothes ?nd ?????????n?. I w?ll d?n a l??n?l?th, th??k fur b??t? ?nd wristguards. An x-?h???d leather harness w?ll hug my manly t?r??, fastening ?n? sheath on my back for a br??d tw?-h?nd?d sword and another ?n m? chest f?r an iPad. 

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Fr?m that day f?rw?rd I w?ll b? a barbarian. M? role in ?????t? will be l?rg?l? th? same, r??ll?. I’ll just b? ???r???h?ng things w?th more b?rb?r??m and g?tt?ng ?nt? ?ll ??rt? ?f adventures. The l??t thing I w?nt is t? fr??k ??m??n? out with this. G?v?ng ?v?r??n? a h??d? up seems l?k? th? d???nt th?ng t? do.

Wh? D? I Want To B? A B?rb?r??n?

For one, I love th? cold. B?g fan. If there’s anything better than ?run?h?ng thr?ugh pure ?n?w ?? ??ur br??th puffs ?ut ?n l?ttl? ?l?ud?, ?t’? ?t????ng ?nt? a w?rm bu?ld?ng ?nd shivering as the l?ng?r?ng traces ?f ??ld ?h?v?r thr?ugh ??ur b?d?.

B??ng a barbarian w?uld ?l?? b? a gr??t m?t?v?t?r to w?rk out m?r?. D?n’t get m? wr?ng, I’m ?n d???nt shape. I ??u?rm ?n my computer ?h??r ?? mu?h ?? the next gu?. I’ve never h?d tremendous muscle d?f?n?t??n, th?ugh. Aft?r a f?w w??k? of b??h?ng ?v?r? b?rr?l I ???, throwing b?uld?r? at cyclopses, ?nd k??k?ng ancient d??r? sealed with arcane m?g?? unt?l th?? tumbl? d?wn, I’ll ?r?b?bl? be in th? b??t shape ?f m? l?f?.

Truth be told, a b?g part ?f m? d??????n ?t?m? from my desire to wear a ????. Not a ?u??rh?r? ????, ?r ?n? ?f those ??lk th?ng? th?t h?ng fr?m ??m? tuxedos. I’m talking about a proper piece ?f r?tt? w??l trailing b?h?nd m?, flapping ?n th? ?n?w? w?nd. If I wasn’t a barbarian, I’d look g??f? w??r?ng ?n?.

Alth?ugh this ?h?ng? ?n lifestyle ??n’t b???d u??n ?ltru??m, ?t seems that I ??uld w?nd up d??ng ??m? g??d ?? a b?rb?r??n. I suspect th?r? ?r? m?r? r??m?ng b?nd?t? ?ut there than w? think. Our m?d?rn ?????t? ?? ?? f??u??d ?n w?rk, entertainment, ?nd t??hn?l?g? that all ??rt? ?f crazy ?tuff ?? ?r?b?bl? going ?n ?n ?ur v?ll?g?? ?nd taverns ?nd ???tl??. I’m fairly ??rt??n th?t I’ll come across a w?z?rd or tw? holed u? ?n a m?unt??n w?th ?n evil ?rt?f??t.

Ant?????t?ng Your Concerns 

The ?w?rd. Y??, ?t’? ?u?t? b?g and ?h?r?. N?, I don’t h?v? the ?l?ght??t ?lu? as t? h?w t? ?r???rl? w??ld ?t. It’? m? und?r?t?nd?ng th?t I w?ll b? ?tt??k?d b? ?r?? ?t ??m? point, tr?gg?r?ng m? ?nn?r rage and gr?nt?ng m? th? ability t? l?? th??r heads ?ff l?k? a m??t?r swordsman. It’? r??ll? ?u?t? ??f? wh?n ??m??r?d to something l?k? a h?ndgun.

F?r many of you, th? ?w?rd is n?t nearly ?? d????n??rt?ng as th? ?d?? ?f ?l???ng ?h?r?d?? against m?. Aft?r all, what if my ?lu? ?? “b?rb?r??n”? I ??uld ju?t point t? m???lf and win the round. Not f??r ?t ?ll. Th?t will b? th? weight I carry ?n m? br??d shoulders ?? I stride through g?bl?n ??v?? ?n ???r?h ?f tr???ur?.

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